One Word

01 January, 2018

Whenever I describe myself to someone, my first thought is to say “I’m a hot mess”.

My house is a disaster (my aunt tells me “it’s just really lived in”). My desk at work is a fire hazard. My finances are in shambles. My purse is like a miniature version of Mary Poppin’s carpet bag and half the time if I don’t have my travelers notebook with me I feel like I am flailing.

Needless to say, not only am I but my life is a bit of a mess.

Every year I struggle more and more to select my word of the year.

Am I picking the best word for me?

Am I able to really embrace the spirit of the word?

Does any of it really matter all that much?

The honest answer to all three of those questions is a resounding “No”.

For me, the purpose of the “word” is to help me focus while at the same time, push me out of my comfort zone. It is to help me grow as the next 365 days pass by. It doesn’t matter if I am able to fully embrace anything right from the start. If that were the case, it definitely would be the wrong word for me.

Last year, while trying to narrow down my word, I made a word bubble of all the words floating around in my head. It worked wonders in getting through the process and really narrowing down what I wanted to “work on”. And when I looked at all the words together, it was pretty obvious that CREATE was at the center of it all.

My word for 2018, however, was a real bitch of a struggle. And to be honest. I’m not surprised at all.

2017 was a mess. It was complicated and complex. It was filled with sadness, heartache and heartbreak, more dark days than I remember having in a very long time. And I shed more tears for more people, more lost relationship, more moments of lost hope than I care to remember.

It was also full of moments where I laughed until I cried, found joy in the little things and had moments of happiness, light and love so strong I thought my heart might burst.

Through all the ups and downs I came out the other end of it a different person. I some ways I am harder, stronger than before. While in other ways much weaker and delicate than I like to admit to, but all of it is moving through this journey of life to get me to the person I am meant to be.

I was reminded of all of this as I worked through the process of picking my word for 2018.

And for 2018, it's time to embrace the mess.

Life is messy and complicated.

Feelings are messy.

Relationships with ourselves and other are messy.

If we don't embrace the mess, are we really living.

It's time to get messy and enjoy the fuck out of this life. 

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