Being My Own Rock

29 December, 2014

Yesterday in the shower I penned an email in my head to D. The post holiday sugar high finally wore off (my aunt makes THE best sugar cookies, of which I ate many) and it had me feeling less than stellar.

It had me feeling a bit lost.

So I started the email, knowing I would never send it. But sometimes getting it out, no matter the format does the trick. And it did.

There are still days when I still feel lost and floundering, trying to figure out my next step. Trying to decide what the hell I am supposed to be doing, if I am doing any of this stuff correctly, am I eating the right foods, workout out enough, workout hard enough, all the same questions I had back in July.

As I stood there, I finally asked myself "how can I still NOT know that answers to these questions?!"

And I had the answer.

I do know what to do, what to eat, how much to workout, and if I am working out hard enough.

So the real question all along should have been and continues to be, "Why don't I believe in myself?"

I know the answer is there. Buried somewhere inside under years of not believing I was capable of doing so many thing. Because for whatever reason, I allowed myself to listen to those who told me "You can't."

But really I can.

No one can, should be or will be a bigger cheerleader for me than I am.

No one else can stand in my corner and shout "You've got this!" louder than I can.

Because it is time to start believing in myself.

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