Regret Is a Terrible Thing to Live With

11 November, 2014

regret [ri-gret] 
verb (used with object), regretted, regretting.
  • to feel sorrow or remorse for (an act, fault, disappointment, etc.)
  • a sense of loss, disappointment, dissatisfaction, etc.
  • a feeling of sorrow or remorse for a fault, act, loss, disappointment, etc.
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We've all been there.

The chances we didn't take. The decisions we didn't make. The words we didn't say.

I have journal pages filled with worry and regret, lamenting the "if onlys" in my life.

If only I could have done this. If only I would have done that. If only I would have told him this. If only I would have said that.

And the only real (not legitimate) reason for the above is fear. Fear you are going to look or sound foolish. Fear the other person won't agree with you. Fear that it is the wrong decision.

Fear that once your words or actions are out there, you can't take them back.

I've written before about the safety of hiding. There is a comfort in knowing that if you just keep everything locked up tight behind your walls of self protection you'll be safe. You won't need to defend yourself. You can be the you that you know that you are.

But it still isn't the truth. If you can't be who you are, say what you want (not need, but WANT, there is a big difference) or express how you really feel, then what is the point?

It's been just over a month since I shared Make Mistakes. Take Changes and you know what, I still haven't been able to take my own advice. I still haven't been able to take a leap of faith and believe in myself that even if things don't go quite the way I want them to go, that things will still be o.k. Instead, I'm still trapped in this quagmire of an emotional funk and worry.

And it needs to stop.

And stopping is exactly what is going to happen.

I'm giving myself a challenge with an actual damn deadline. The end of the week.

That's right. By Friday I will have done  and said something that has been weighing on my mind for a a couple weeks now. It's time to just rip it off like a bandaid and deal with the fallout.

Because not taking chances just isn't an option any more. Because not going for what I want and "hoping for the best" are the equivalent of "giving up".

Life is far too short to live with the constant wonder of "what if". I would much rather live with "at least I tried".

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