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Call Me.......Maybe?

14 November, 2014

Earlier this week, after consulting with a few close friends, I set forth a challenge for myself. To take a leap of faith and hope for the best. As you may have gathered from the title, it was reaching out to someone in hopes of starting something new.

On the same day I posted "the challenge", I did just that. I did one of the things that terrifies me the most. I reached out.

I let myself be vulnerable.

You see, I don't do that. I don't let down walls and invite people in. It's in my nature to be over protective and safe. Although, the more I am learning about myself, I'm not entirely sure if that is a learned behavior or not, but still, it's how I tend to deal with things.

But this time I threw caution to the wind. I let the walls come down and I left myself open for hurt, disappointment, surprise, relief and happiness.

In some ways it completely sucked but it others, not as bad as I was anticipating.

I'm sill standing even though it didn't go exactly the way I wanted it to go.

I wanted a "yes". I would have been frustrated but respected a "no". Instead, I got what feels like a "maybe".

I won't lie. At first, that "maybe" was like a punch to the gut. It felt like a copout. Like it was a way of being told "no", without the person actually having to say "no".

But on the other hand, it wasn't a "no".

It was an invitation to the unknown.

So much of how I view things (I blame my skewed version of reality on my line of work) has to be black and white. There isn't a lot of gray that I'm able to live in. But not everything has to be black and white. There doesn't have to always be a "yes" and there doesn't always have to be a "no". Sometimes not getting what we want can be just as liberating as getting when we didn't think we needed.

While there is very much a part of me that wanted there to be a concrete answer, the is a larger part of me that is looking at this as an opportunity to remain open to the possibilities of what is to come.

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