15 November, 2014

Adventures with D: Moving On

Promise me you'll always remember: You're braver than you believe, and stronger than you seem, and smarter than you think. -- A. A. Milne

I was looking for something completely unrelated when I came across the quote above. I thought it was kind of fitting for the last post in this series.

I found myself having to explain (more than a few times) this week why I have been so blasted upset about no longer working with D.

I heard it all from "He was just a personal trainer, what's the big deal?" to "He isn't out of your life forever".

The last 4 months have obviously been life changing and not just on a physical level. Yes, I've lost a pretty incredible amount of weight, gone down 3 pants sizes, have had to replace nearly my entire wardrobe and my compression pants no longer compress anything.

But it was so much more than that.

Making that initial phone call and saying, "Yes. Sign me up with D." was one of the scariest things I have EVER DONE. No joke. It is terrifying having to sit in front a stranger and talk about it all........your eating habits, your weight, your measurements, your medical history. And no matter how much you think you are o.k. discussing that kind of stuff, having to TALK about it and answer questions and be open and HONEST about it all is gut wrenching. That first night I met with him during that assessment was the first time I cried over this new journey. Even now, as I think back to that day, I wonder how I ever managed to do it.

During my sessions with him, D taught me quite a bit......

I'm pretty good at squats and have learned to love lunges. In fact, jumping split squats are really quite fun! Pull-ups and dips really aren't that bad. Deadlifts can pretty pretty awesome. I'm not quite as uncoordinated as I thought I was. Sure, my balance could use some work but practice makes "perfect".

He reminded me that each time I thought I failed, "You already "succeeded" when you made the choice to go for it, each time you show up, and each time you do things to feel good physically...in turn mentally."And he kept things in perspective, "This game isn't about self image or aesthetics, attention or even achievement.  Its about self respect and forward thinking."

He was one of my biggest champions and I hate....HATE that he is gone.

But as much as I am going to miss him, his support and him barking "speed and power!" at me, it's time to start being my own biggest champion. It's time to start giving myself credit for all my hard work. To actually step back and realize that while he was the one giving me the directions, I'm the one that did the work, logged the hours, and committed to a healthier lifestyle.

There is no way around missing him. It's just the way thing go when someone leaves (regardless of the context of your relationship) but dwelling on his departure and defeating myself before I even try isn't going to solve anything.

Here is to recognizing ones inner strength and proving to yourself that you've got this!

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