04 October, 2014

Make Mistakes. Take Chances.

"Make your mistakes, take your chances, look silly, but keep on going. Don’t freeze up." -- Thomas Wolfe

The whole time I was putting this post together, "Let It Go" from Frozen kept running through my head.

Anywho....

It hit me the other night while I was on the treadmill, working off a little anger and frustration.

I need to take more chances and make more mistakes.

I think we all need to take more changes and make more mistakes.

It's not been great at work since my return from vacation. My workouts, which I used to look forward to have been less than spectacular. I've been eating my feelings for the last threeish weeks. And my session with D, which I rely on heavily as a stress reliever didn't happen because of a scheduling snafu (which I am still irrationally upset about).

The whole time I was attempting to work off my stress, I could feel myself getting more frustrated with my current situation......work, home, how I was feeling about myself, D, all of it. I started reviewing conversations in my head, wishing I would have said something different, wishing I had said something more. Or in one case, wishing I had said something at all instead of my usual, "Oh no. Don't worry about it. It's fine."

Things are most definitely not fine.

I don't know at what point in my life I become o.k. with being complacent. When I became o.k. with going with the flow because that's just easier. Or when I became o.k. with "going with the flow" because I didn't want to upset anyone or make it seem like I felt my needs or what I wanted was more important.

Feeling and thinking that way has kept me from doing and saying so many things that it would be impossible to keep track of them all. It's kept me from taking chances because of what someone else might think about me or my decisions.

But shouldn't life be about taking chances? Shouldn't it be about sticking up for yourself, asking for and getting what you want need for yourself? Shouldn't life be about being silly and yourself and saying "Stuff it!" to those who don't understand you?

I think so.

I haven't sorted out how to put it any of it into practice or how I'm going to convince myself that it is o.k. to still to my guns. But as with most things it's a work in progress with what I hope with be a pretty great pay off in the end. 

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