Getting My Head On Straight

11 June, 2014

This quote popped up in my Facebook newsfeed earlier this week. It was a quote I didn't know I needed until I read it.

The last few weeks have been, shall we say, a bit rough.

The last few times I've gone out for a run, they've ended in tears. For me, running is the ultimate form of cheap (i.e. free) therapy. And it's been kind of "my thing" to shed a tear or two while romping through the swamp. But these recent outings have caught me a bit off guard. 

The past few weeks of running have been AWESOME. All previous injuries have been held at bay. I've been progressing quite nicely using the C25k program and I've been feeling really good. 

But everything else? Not so much. 

All the insecurities I have about myself -- self esteem issues, body image issues, my running, my self-perception, EVERYTHING came bubbling up to the surface. It was rough. And it's taken me quite a few days to bounce back from it. 

Truth be told, I'm not even remotely close to "being over it".

We've all spent time (and I've written about it before) comparing ourselves to everyone around us. Everyone else who has what we think if we had would finally make us happy. For me, much of that is wrapped up in body image. If I was thinner, taller, had a better smile, less acne, if my hair wasn't so stringy, if my thighs didn't jiggle, or blah blah blah. 

But none of that is going to fix what I think is broken about me. 

I'm always going to find a flaw. I'm always going to find something wrong that needs to be fixed that is "holding me back".

Or am I?

What it if was and IS possible to toss all that junk aside and really see ourselves for who we really are? 

What it if is possible to celebrate ourselves without a single mention of something that could have made it better?

What if better no longer existed in the lexicon of how we talked about ourselves and our accomplishments? 

There are days when I write posts like this one that I feel like a broken record. I feel like folks read them and think "Yep. We got it, Meg. You're struggling with your self-esteem. We've heard it before. We don't need to hear it again."

But fixing what isn't broken doesn't happen overnight. Accepting Loving ourselves for who we truly are is a process because let's be honest, from the time we are given our first Barbie doll, we are told we need to be fixed, changed, molded into an ideal dreamed up by a generation long past but perpetuated by our current culture of what (not WHO) we should be. 

It's a standard I was not meant to fit into. It's a standard that doesn't fit who I am or who I want to be.

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