11 May, 2014

Funny how things that you don't realize you need to hear pop up at the most appropriate of times.

The other day I took a "self portrait" of sorts and the caption read: My self esteem has taken a bit of a beating lately. But I’m not sure if I am more upset that it has happened or that I am letting myself wallow in it.

I've been having one of those periods of time where it feels like everything is wrong:
I don't feel comfortable in my own skin
I feel jiggly
I'm not running hard enough
I'm not eating healthy enough
I'm not working hard enough
My paintings are stale
I'll never reach the goals I won't to because I don't have enough drive
What if they dude I have been chatting with is disappointed if we were to meet in person
Blah blah blah

It's been this merry-go-round of self something, not quite whiny enough to be pity and not hurtful enough to be hatred.

Then this morning while catching up on my blog reader and eating copious amounts of cinnamon rolls (side note: my favorite thing about Saturday is that I can buy freshly made "old fashioned" cinnamon rolls that are JUST like the ones my grandmother used to make), I read Amy's post: these things are not virtues. And it was like a punch to the gut.

But it was just what I need to hear/read.

Often times when I get in this kind of a funk it is because I get it in my head that I need to compare myself to those around me and I forget, even for a few moments that I am my own person.

It takes posts like Amy's this morning to remind myself that the list I put above, all those worries, don't mean anything. It is all just unnecessary noise jumbled up in my head blocking out all the good stuff that does matter. 

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