07 June, 2013

I am whatever you think I am, until you get to know me.

I've been slowly working out this rambling, long winded post in my notebook over the last few days. Little progress has been made, most of it doesn't make much sense but everything I write has been leading me back to the same thought: I am at a point in my life (age wise) where I shouldn't still be asking the question "Who am I?" Of course I've not come up with a single answer but that hasn't stopped me from trying.

And then today I saw a Facebook status which read: I am whatever you think I am, until you get to know me. And it hit me.......kind of. I still haven't worked it all out, but I'm getting there.

All this time, I've been trying to sort out who I am, who I think I am and who everyone else thinks I am. And trying to reconcile those three things, within the accepted "rules" that confine our daily movements and thoughts has been exhausting and then throw into that the unwritten rules of blogging and all any of this has done is give me a ridiculous headache. But of course whatever it is that people think of me, is because of what parts of myself I do (or do not) share. I've spent a lifetime putting up walls to protect myself, when really all they've done is keep people out. And it's a hard habit to break. 

I can't help but wonder what it would be like to live without those walls. To say whatever it is I'd like to say. To write what I want to write about. And to share whatever it is that I'd like to share. I realize it isn't something that would happen overnight and is going to be something that is going to take a lot of work. And will be all kinds of awkward. But needs to be done. Somehow. 

--------------------------------------------------------------
Honest to Blog is a series where I let my pen glide across the paper without letting my inner editor know what is going on. Some posts might be controversial. Some might be a bit boring and some might be downright ridiculous. But they will all be open, honest and 100% me.


Follow on Bloglovin

0 comments:

Post a Comment