04 October, 2012

You Can't Always Get What You Want

But if you try sometimes, you just might find you get what you need.--The Rolling Stones

I've been thinking about this concept the last few weeks, especially after being blown off by a friend when trying to share some pretty exciting news (or at least I think it's pretty awesome) before listening to her rant for 20 minutes about a problem that could have been solved with a 2 minute phone call.

As I sat there, listening to her (I love my friends, but sometimes I just want to ship a case of chill pills to their doorstep--this was one of those time), I started thinking about how hard it is to ask for what you need....not what you want, not your ultimate wish list, but what you need. From yourself, friends, family. I started to think about how at that moment, I needed something from her and for once it wasn't to be her support system or sounding board. I started thinking about how I needed her to at least fake happiness for me (even if she wasn't feeling it) instead of shrugging her shoulders and saying "Well....I mean if you think that's best, whatever".

By nature, I want to take care of everyone. I want to make sure everyone is o.k. I have spent a lifetime putting my friends and family before me. I always makes sure they have what they need, they are happy, have someone to lean on. I have spent more time worrying more about the problems of everyone else and working out how to fix them for them before worrying about my own situation.

I've spent nearly my entire life afraid that if I were to put myself first, afraid that if I were to ask for a little bit more-a little more love, time, consideration, understanding, I would be considered to be self center, selfish, narcissistic and brushed aside or looked down upon.


I spent some time this week writing down not only some of the things that I need to start asking more of from those around me but why I need them as well. It ended up being a really difficult exercise. One that left me feeling a little more vulnerable than I anticipated. Partially from just the simple unfamiliarity of really focusing on myself but also the fear of what people might think if they saw the list--would they think I was weak or being selfish? Or would they understand and simply ask "how can I help?"

1 comments:

  1. Good topic. In my life I've definitely had a difficult time asking for things I NEED. I can relate.

    Can also relate to a friend who doesn't really listen. That sucks.

    You have good thoughts on this blog, keep posting.

    ReplyDelete