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My sexuality has never been a problem to me but I think it has been for other people.

27 September, 2012

~Dusty Springfield

Today I am off to Detroit with my dad and brother for the last regular season home game for the Tigers.  I am quite certain I've mentioned it a time or two already, but I can't wait. As much as I love watching a game on t.v., there is nothing quite like watching a game in person. Especially when the Tigers are going head to head with the White Sox for first in the AL Central.

So, in honor of todays game I am of course sporting my Tigers wear, which has nothing to do with what I'm about to write.


I keep blathering on about changing self perception and how I've magically discovered it this summer and blah blah blah. I'm still fully entrenched in that mindset and don't anticipate that changing any time soon. It's just that.....it is all sort of shifting to encompass, well, everything.

Last night I finished typing up my submission for the project Dead Cow Girl is putting together, Fifty Shades of Glitter and started thinking about that aspect of being a woman. I've always been the funny one. Quirky one. Smart one. Annoying one. Queen of Sarcasm. But pretty, beautiful, sexy ....not on your life! That's just not where I fit or at least didn't see myself fitting because of what I had been told/taught.

I've written about it before and don't feel like rehashing those craptacular memories (thanks Grandma) but we've all been there. All been in a place where people have said ridiculous and cruel things which have sadly defined how we looked at ourselves. Because for whatever ridiculous reason, looking at ourselves through the eyes of others is easier than looking at ourselves through our own eyes and truly seeing who we are is much harder.

I spent a lot of time listening to those people who kept telling me that because I was chunky, chubby, fat that it equated to being unattractive and not sexy. But writing my submission for the Fifty Shades of Glitter project, it reminded me that those people were wrong. It reminded me that there is this whole other part of myself that terrifies the crap out of me, but one that exudes a ridiculous amount of confidence. Confidence that doesn't always come easily for me but I know is there.

This is a part of myself that I need to be reacquainted with.  This is a part of myself that will work towards turning the "I wish I were...." thoughts into "Why, yes indeed I am....." thoughts.






10 comments:

  1. Yay for plus size girls! I'm one to and I've finally realized that I'll probably be plus size for the rest of my life and I'm ok with that. Better to have curves then none at all :)

    Ps I love love love love your liberal, pro-choice pro-gay marriage feminist button!!!

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    1. I absolutely agree...I'm learning to embrace my curves instead of cursing them.

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  2. Good luck with the Glitter Project!

    Popped in from the Nearsighted Owl's linkup.

    thriftshopcommando.blogspot.com

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  3. Oh ye gods... You just reminded me that it's almost the end of the month an my Fifty Shades of Glitter essay isn't done. Thank you for reminding me!

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    1. I'm glad I could help! Especially since I only heard about the project after reading one of your posts. = )

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    2. Yay! I'm glad I motivated someone else to do it. :)

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  4. Replies
    1. Writing mine was far more difficult than I thought it would be, but I'm glad I did it.

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  5. Love this! I have always been on the larger size and am with a guy that keeps calling me sexy. I laugh, because I am never the sexy on, my quite little friends are. Found you from Sunday Confessions.

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Thanks for reading!